Seeing from afar it was you that caught my eye.
Lady asked, “You sure you want him?  He’s a little weird.” “Of course,” I replied, I told her you were perfect.
You twist and squirm until I hold you closely; don’t worry, you’re safe in my arms.
Once in the car, your eyes shined with excitement to see where your new life would begin.

I brought you home to meet the family, you seemed surprised.
You jump at the chance to play, but soon afraid, scurried to my side.
Don’t be scared, the dogs are friendly.
You were cradled in my arms as I kiss you on the head saying,
“My little baby boy” for the first time.

Remember your first toy, the stuffed banana?
You hated that thing, played with the damn box and a straw.
I knew that was five bucks down the drain.
Though, as you played, you grew with time until you were running where ever you pleased.
Heh, including the numerous occasions of darting to your hiding spot in the kitchen and missing
“BAM” right into the wall.

Oh! Our first time to the park, you were so filled with emotions!
Curious, excited, confused, delighted, with just a tiny pinch of fright.
I set you down to explore and maybe mingle, cautious of your surroundings for being the different one.
Individuality, always encouraged, but once displayed it’s completely discouraged from societies reaction.
Your eyes were always filled with joy, no matter what the surroundings as you bounced and rolled getting dirty in the mud.  
They, on the other hand had only eyes of judgment engulfed by pessimism.
“Why is that in here?  Eww, he looks gross!”  
I still have distinct thoughts of punching her collagen filled lips or just ramming her with a car.
But you didn’t care, no.  You just looked at me with those big smiling eyes that always said “I’m okay”

You always had a sweet tooth, which doctors said were normal.
Always indulging the sweet side of life, that seemed to be your motto.
Vanilla soymilk was all you’d drink, even though you wanted milk
I knew it had to be diary and lactose-free.

Remember the day you ran away?  I was terrified.
I’m gone for three days and come back to hear you leave?  I remember that day.
And the next day.
And the next day..
And the next day…
Worried and angered all in one; ripping out my hair, calling your name, putting signs on door
After door,
After door,
After door,
Until…I get a call, and everything’s okay…I hear that you’re okay.
I’d never gone that many miles over the speed limit rushing to get anywhere in my life.
Who thought the bald guy covered in tattoos and metal, wearing a shirt saying, “Fuck the Police” would be the one to take care of you?
You were always a lucky bastard.

I remember how glad I was to have you home safe, you looked like you had lost some weight.
I gave you so much food, you stayed the same.
You were always so active, always running around.  Could that be your reason for the loss of weight?


Days pass,
Weeks pass,
Months pass, until…

Do you remember your first check up?  You were always so confused.
Eyes wondered as you scan every aspect in the room.
No matter what, you were never scared, not fully.  You didn’t know why you were there.
Your weight had not progress, you continued to lose.  Though it wasn’t that bad, I was still worried and knew
You had to be checked, you weren’t as eccentric.  Though you didn’t sprint from room to room, you also weren’t lethargic.

“I can’t say I fully know what the condition is, he’s at too young an age to have any form of disease these could be symptoms of.  Just switch to this food, feed him four times a day.”  
We went home and I made you eat what the doctor said, although you hated it I knew that it was best.
At one point you began to gain weight, but at the cost of losing your hair.

Do you remember your second check up?  You weren’t well…
Sitting in the waiting room I stare grimly at the floor, waiting for our name.  
I felt like I was waiting for death..
Your expression as usual didn’t seem to change.  Always so bright, especially in your eyes reassuring “I’m okay”
Our name was called, I carried you in.  You were hardly able to walk, with no hair on your skin.

The doctor says you’re a rare case, says you may have adrenal disease.
You may have a tumor, or you may have a new form of disease that’s been going around.
Apparently so new she’s unable to officially diagnose you.  
It was always you that had to be the odd ball out.  Lucky you.

“It’s just strange he would get it at such a young age, he’s barely a year old?  We’ll have to do some x-rays.”
She says it’ll be another week, come in next week to know the disease.
So we wait, six days pass.

  Do you remember the day I came home from school and found you on the floor?
I knew just then your day wouldn’t last.   You were wrapped in a towel; I could tell you were cold.
I could tell you didn’t want to die cold and alone.  
Seconds passed,
Minutes passed,
Hours passed…
I kept you warm all snug in your towel; don’t worry, you’re safe in my arms.
I remember that day, though I never want to…
As the day you lost your spark.  Those eyes that had always said it’s okay weren’t okay.  They were black…
They showed nothing but a blank stare, like doll’s eyes.
You were never scared…not fully.
I remember that day I stared into your eyes resembling two black holes of not knowing and knowing all that’s unknowing.

As I sat on the floor with you wrapped in my arms I kissed your head as you took your last breathe still saying,
“My little baby boy.” For the last time.